Supermarkets

From Crankypedia

• Paper Towels -- Hey, Brawny Man. Add some damn perforations to the towels. When I try to tear one sheet off and I get 14 rolling off the damn roll, I get Cranky as hell.

• Ground Beef -- I need one freaking pound of hamburger. The smallest package always contains 1.3 pounds. Attention, Safeway: Fer Chrissakes, if you can set the machine to wrap up 1.3 pounds, you can damn well set it for one pound. Quit gouging your customers by making them buy that extra 1/3 pound. If you've got an extra 1/3 pound of something, make it coffee and put it back in the damn can that you shrunk from one pound to 12 ounces.

• Speaking of coffee, bring back some cheap cans of coffee. 3/4 of the shelf space is taken up by Starbucks and Peets and Seattles Best that sell for 50% per pound than Folgers and don't taste any better. I want MGB back.

• Carts - the damn thing always have one wheel about 70 degrees off and it wobbles. Fix them!

• More Carts - they bring them back from the parking lot all jammed together. Every damn time I try to get one, it's welded to the one in front.

• And when they bring the carts back, why don't they take a second and clean all the old plastic bags, and coffee cups and receipts and shopping list and other crap out of them. I'm paying big bucks for your overpriced stuff. Try to make it an enjoyable experience for me, okay?

• Women, when in line to pay for something, get ready! Don't wait until the clerk is waiting for money to look for your purse, your wallet and correct change in the bottom of your purse. You are here to buy something or pay a bill, don't act surprised that when you are asked for money.

• Attention: Checkers and Baggers - Don't put raw meat in the same bag as the bread. While you're at it, don't put liquid soap and chemical crap in with any food whatsoever. The next time a bottle of Dawn Direct spills on my cold cuts, I'm inviting you over for a sub sandwich.

• I know where everything in the damn store is. You don't need to shift everything around every couple of years. I know you're hoping I'll find new stuff to buy. I don't. It just takes me longer to find the stuff I came in to buy. That makes me cranky. Cranky enough to go to the supermarket down the street where all the stuff I want to buy is is the same damn place is was last time I was in there.

• Attn: Produce Department - Did you know that fruit tastes better if it's ripe? That means oranges should be orange instead of pale yellow, strawberries should be red not white. Plums, pears, peaches and nectarine should be softer than your average rock. I've got a great idea...Let them stay on the tree/vine just a week or two longer before you pick then. It will keep your customers less cranky.

• Shoppers in supermarkets who are sauntering down the aisle looking one way and then turn and walk the other other way when I try to pass them. People, try to walk the way you drive!